I Didn’t Know Her.

While I was living in Saudi Arabia, there were many many times when I would get bored and frustrated. I didn’t have a ton of things to do. I didn’t have a car to go drive when I wanted. Most of the year was too hot to comfortably go on walks and most of my time there, I never really felt safe to do so. The frustration that came along with that was constant. Even in good times, it was still there just around the corner. Now onto my point…
I spent a lot of time reading on the internet. Searching out interesting blogs, and sometimes falling down useless rabbit holes. One blogger that I followed was a girl younger than myself, married to a Saudi and living in Riyadh with their (toddler) daughter. She was a woman of many words, and her entries either made me relax and feel like I wasn’t alone or they fired me up because I didn’t agree with what she was saying. Normal stuff while reading about another’s life…
I really was able to understand some of the frustrations she felt being in Saudi, and found her stories so interesting. I understood the conversations in her post regarding her living in Saudi and the sometimes, odd questions and surprise that others would have. I read, with interest, her posts on motherhood, as I was pregnant while living in Saudi myself. I wanted to meet her when she wrote about her family both in the Ozarks and in Saudi. I wanted to debate her when I read about her conversion and some of the things she did because of her religion. But in general, I sorta felt like I knew her through her blog.
Last summer I read that she was having another child and I was feeling good about reading how a second child would change her life stories. Blogs and people can be curious things. Its kinda like getting a letter from someone when the email notification comes up. Get that cup of coffee ready, cause you know its gonna be a long read, kinda thing.

Over the past couple months I have been wondering what had happened as I hadn’t gotten the notifications anymore. Today while eating my lunch, I looked up her blog and read the last post. It was full of pain and doctor visits (here in the States. Her frustration with the medical policies she kept running into, and her travel back to Saudi to be back with her husband and get medical (affordable) treatment in her home of Riyadh. As I was reading along I thought the pain seemed odd. and then she signed off stating that she would post more later. I do the same thing. But there wasn’t one… I scrolled down and started reading the comments and discovered that she had died of cancer last fall. She had her baby and three months later died. I have no idea if her children are living in Saudi (most likely they are) I have no idea if she died in Saudi with or without her parents by her side. Things like this hit me harder since having a baby, and this is another reason why I still struggle with living abroad. Because I wouldn’t be near my family if something happened. I, still even typing this later, can’t keep the tears from flowing. I never met this girl. but my heart is broken over her death. And it breaks my heart when young babies lose their mommies.

I want to send her parents a card.

Giving my daughter a longer hug when she wakes up from her nap-wifeabroad (living in the States for now)

 

Becoming the person I judged

I have a confession to make. Maybe an apology of sorts.
As you know, (if you have been following the blog) I am living in Saudi Arabia with my husband. My home country is the U.S. I came over here shortly after we got married. Since September of 2014 I have been here.

When I was planning to move overseas and even after I arrived here, I had these thoughts about other women who had tried it here, and had left for one reason or another. Usually what went through my mind was that they weren’t very supportive of their spouses, or it can’t be that bad.

The thing is, I am now finding myself to be one of those women. I don’t like living here. I have tried to adjust to life here the best I know, and it doesn’t seem to be enough to keep going. I am fleeing the desert heat to go back to my home country for the summer. At the moment I am going to come back to Saudi after some time away, but I have also had to admit, that I really don’t want to do even that. Part of me really wishes that I could write my Farewell Saudi post.

Its tough, and I still am unsure of the future here in Saudi. Just wanted to share this little bit of information. Perhaps there will be a recharging that will take place while I am gone, Perhaps there will be a new frame of mind. Perhaps there will be a new perspective of life here that will make it possible to return with a fresh look at the place. I can’t know at the moment….

Would rather be abroad on a beach -wifeabroad

To my friends here: I will miss you while I am away