One week I feel great, and am explaining how I have gotten used to the abaya. The next week, I’m a total mess. Okay, maybe at times it can be broken down by hours, not weeks. And maybe a total mess is really just a nice way of saying that I may have just gone manic.
If someone asks me how I am doing, they will get the same answer most of the time. “I am fine.”
- I am smiling, but gritting my teeth
- I am on the verge of tears
- I may just go on a rant of exaggerated dislike for almost everything
- I really am fine
I’m trying to be thankful for things that are good in my life to counterbalance the stresses
- So thankful for my husband who keeps on loving me, even in the ugly moments
- I’m thankful that my health has been good. I even traveled to a country (cough, cough… the U.S.) that reported epidemic like flu outbreaks and never got sick.
- I’m thankful that I have things that bring me joy (all things art)
- We are always well fed
New things that have happened in the past weeks
- Trying home cooked Vietnamese food
- Meeting a Vietnamese ambassador and his wife
- Laying out in the sun by a pool, in a Muslim country
- Giving up my flip flops because we (the ladies in the group) had all worn high heels and did touristy stuff that required a lot of walking. I think the ambassador’s wife needed a break from the heels as well, and I didn’t have the heart or the nerve to tell her she had my shoes on. It was a really funny moment. I’ll never forget it.
Things I really need to work on as an expat.
- Not shutting down
- Every little detail is important or not at all (need to avoid extreme thinking)
- Generalization of things is often quite unfair to myself and others
- Keeping the bad folder underneath, and not as stocked full as the good folder
If it wasn’t for my being here in Saudi for the past 4 months, I would not have been able to have the experiences that I have been able to write about, and for that I am also thankful.
Saudi is not going to change for me, I have to change for it, or I have to leave.
Working on perspective, and tossing around ideas in my head for the next steps in life