I Didn’t Know Her.

While I was living in Saudi Arabia, there were many many times when I would get bored and frustrated. I didn’t have a ton of things to do. I didn’t have a car to go drive when I wanted. Most of the year was too hot to comfortably go on walks and most of my time there, I never really felt safe to do so. The frustration that came along with that was constant. Even in good times, it was still there just around the corner. Now onto my point…
I spent a lot of time reading on the internet. Searching out interesting blogs, and sometimes falling down useless rabbit holes. One blogger that I followed was a girl younger than myself, married to a Saudi and living in Riyadh with their (toddler) daughter. She was a woman of many words, and her entries either made me relax and feel like I wasn’t alone or they fired me up because I didn’t agree with what she was saying. Normal stuff while reading about another’s life…
I really was able to understand some of the frustrations she felt being in Saudi, and found her stories so interesting. I understood the conversations in her post regarding her living in Saudi and the sometimes, odd questions and surprise that others would have. I read, with interest, her posts on motherhood, as I was pregnant while living in Saudi myself. I wanted to meet her when she wrote about her family both in the Ozarks and in Saudi. I wanted to debate her when I read about her conversion and some of the things she did because of her religion. But in general, I sorta felt like I knew her through her blog.
Last summer I read that she was having another child and I was feeling good about reading how a second child would change her life stories. Blogs and people can be curious things. Its kinda like getting a letter from someone when the email notification comes up. Get that cup of coffee ready, cause you know its gonna be a long read, kinda thing.

Over the past couple months I have been wondering what had happened as I hadn’t gotten the notifications anymore. Today while eating my lunch, I looked up her blog and read the last post. It was full of pain and doctor visits (here in the States. Her frustration with the medical policies she kept running into, and her travel back to Saudi to be back with her husband and get medical (affordable) treatment in her home of Riyadh. As I was reading along I thought the pain seemed odd. and then she signed off stating that she would post more later. I do the same thing. But there wasn’t one… I scrolled down and started reading the comments and discovered that she had died of cancer last fall. She had her baby and three months later died. I have no idea if her children are living in Saudi (most likely they are) I have no idea if she died in Saudi with or without her parents by her side. Things like this hit me harder since having a baby, and this is another reason why I still struggle with living abroad. Because I wouldn’t be near my family if something happened. I, still even typing this later, can’t keep the tears from flowing. I never met this girl. but my heart is broken over her death. And it breaks my heart when young babies lose their mommies.

I want to send her parents a card.

Giving my daughter a longer hug when she wakes up from her nap-wifeabroad (living in the States for now)

 

Dominican Republic

11/16

We have a few days left here in the Dominican. We had originally planned to stay till January, but I just wasn’t feeling it here. I felt like we were wasting our time here. It hasn’t been ideal with the location and the issues that come about just by being in a third world country. So we changed our reservation and booked the plane tickets to go back to the States.

We have rented a space back in my home town that is walking distance to the downtown area as well as a few of my familie’s homes. My husband’s family is not far either, so our baby will be able to know her family instead of just pictures and the ever distant messenger phone call. I am certain that we will benefit from this as I have mentioned the loneliness of expat life in past blog posts being difficult when we are so far away.

So one year commitment back home will be interesting to say the least. My husband prefers living abroad rather than living in the US despite being from there. We will most likely be trying to convince the other the entire time of what we think is the better thing to do…Stay in the States (my position at the moment) or move abroad after the year is up (my husbands current position).

I’m trying not to get bogged down with the thoughts of one of us not liking what the other wants, but instead focus on the exciting year ahead of making a home in a temporary space, while the baby continues to grow up, and being there for other family milestones along the way. I am also excited to unpack a few of my household belongings and get to using such things again. At the moment I am thinking of a few vintage place mats that I purchased earlier this year while I was without a table, but thought they were beautiful.

I have partially enjoyed this place in the Dominican. While its been a struggle at times, I will still leave with good memories too. The walks down the hill, the beach at Cabarete, the trips to the store for groceries, getting rained out, the beautiful days, the pool, watching our baby grow, and so much more.

Here are a few more pictures of our time here…

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Some of the views on the mile plus walk to the main road…1

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destruction of the grounds due to a new well being built.

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Me doing laundry

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Drying clothes in the sun

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Some Dominican inspired artwork 1

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2

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3

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Baby V.

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Beach baby

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Spectacular sunset

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Photo of the flooding http://welcometososua.com/

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Baby V and daddy

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Street art on the beach

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Found in a bathroom

Looking forward to Thanksgiving with family – wifeabroad

Place Your Bets

10/14/16

The heat, as I had mentioned in the previous post is intense. I sweat, the baby sweats, we all sweat. I’m trying to keep her cool in front of the fans (one will go to another apt next week, so we will be down to one floor fan) Baby V. has had some heat rash. The manager has put up a blue tarp in front of our unit to help give us a bit more shade. She has even been asking the owner for umbrellas for the property to help with the issue. Even the managers daughter is so kind in this, she brought us a used walker one day for the baby to use. This has freed up our arms as any parent knows. It gives her independence, which is so important.

There has been an arrangement for a neighbor to take us to town on Tuesday mornings now too. Its so helpful, and the Super Polla has veggies on sale that day, which we love. The kindness has been so appreciated. The driver who had picked us up from the airport has stopped by to see how we were getting along, plus he took me to the market one day as well. I did have to pay him that day, and he isn’t cheap. He charges about 8 Dollars each way. So that is not really in the budget to happen often.

My expectations of this trip seem laughable, as I am having a hard time adjusting. An apt furnished (we have) with air conditioning (we don’t have). Near a beach…Well, mileage wise, yes. Walk-able, no. We have a pool, which is awesome. No town within walking distance. The main road is about a mile away, downhill on the way to the road, up on the way back. Then you have to hail a taxi or Coagua ( a small taxi van, and I’m not sure its spelled that way). Being out in the country is peaceful, which I love, but its also very isolated, which I don’t love. The ants bite. The gigantic spiders shorten my life span. There have been three in the apartment so far, and if it wasn’t for my husband being here to kill them, I think I would have moved out already. You should see me going into another room sometimes. Scanning the walls and corners for them before I even step into the room.

Co-sleeping with the baby has been hard for me, The bed space isn’t big enough and I don’t really sleep well at night. Plus I have this guilt over the fact that now I will have to train her to sleep on her own.

The afternoon thunderstorms are lovely. The Horses next door are also. The property here is so peaceful.

We had a ride to Sosua the other day and walked to the beach. Its really a nice beach with tons of shade from the Palms. The area is lined with vendors selling food and things like bathing suits, kitchy stuff, paintings, dresses, towels, whatever… I got a blister on my foot that day, so I haven’t wanted to get back that way due to all the walking.

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An illustration I did one day based on the pool here

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Sosua beach and business

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Baby V is somewhat of a celebrity when we go out.

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This is baby V and her Daddy at the beach

Things I am thankful for:

  • Spinach and bacon in my eggs
  • A shower
  • Fans (we may need to buy one this week)
  • Clean laundered sheets
  • The coloring book that my friend Debbie sent with me
  • My husband watching the baby as she sleeps so I can have some alone time
  • Drawing
  • Fresh vegetables
  • Cheese
  • Cold beer
  • Pool

I miss my family and friends.

Who wants to start placing bets on how long I will be able to stay here? -wifeabroad

The Dominican Republic

10/13/2016

Last Wednesday we arrived in the Dominican after 8pm. Behind schedule due to an impossibly short stop in NC that didn’t allow us enough time to get to the other gate for our next flight. The gates were closed and we had to be re-routed. They sent us to Santiago airport instead of Puerto Plata. This also was putting us even farther from our destination. However, we were able to arrive at our destination the day before Miami canceled all of its flights due to hurricane Matthew. It all worked out well, because if we had stayed in Miami it would have been days of being stuck.

This is a glimpse of traveling with a baby in an airport.

 Fortunately we were able to get our ride to come out farther. I had looked up an estimate for taxi fees online, and it was going to be about 150 US Dollars. Our ride (Angelo from Manitoba Canada) agreed to pick us up for 100. Plus he was friendly and educated in the area, so there was no confusion as to where we were going. It was a two hour ride from the airport. The downside was that it was at night and so we missed the fantastic mountain views.

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The sign when we arrived.

We arrived at our new home for the next few months late at night. Tired and exhausted from the travel, we basically just wanted to rest. The apartment (studio style with a bed and mini fridge and bathroom) was as I had expected it to be with the exception of a lacking door to the toilet. This was not my idea of comfortable accommodations. It was hot, no fan, no ac,…hot! About thirty minutes into the stay my husband did say that it wasn’t going to work for the next three months. I was relieved.

1475778788455The one room studio.

The next day we made arrangements with the manager to move to another unit. This did mean more money out of our budget, but it had a kitchen space and stove to cook, a small fridge to store our food, and a futon. Plus a bedroom and bathroom, with a door. And it had fans! This is what I would consider a more adequate space to live in for a family of three. I’m so thankful for the floor fans that keep the air moving.

The porch and view of our current apartment.

I had purchased a kid-pod baby bed tent that is good for traveling. But thanks to the temperatures, it doesn’t work here. So, we are co sleeping on a queen sized bed. I have never missed the Pak-n-Play as much as I do now.

I have underestimated the heat on an island for the second time in my life. Sri Lanka, and the Dominican Republic…Its bloody hot!!!

More to be posted soon from the Dominican, aka paradise -wifeabroad

No Return

My last post in April has left a huge gap in information. I arrived in the States to somewhat chilly temps, and they quickly changed to the lovely summer days that I had missed while I was away. Tank tops, and shorts became my normal choice in clothes for myself, and Onesie’s for my daughter. We were able to go outdoors every single day and enjoy the air, the birds, and insects singing. Back in May while having my morning coffee, with Baby V. on my lap, I kept having this dread in my belly about going back to Saudi. It didn’t go away over time, in fact it got worse as time went on. One day (I believe it was in July) after reading three separate news stories on bombings in Saudi (not Hofuf, where I lived) I just felt like I had reached a point of no return. I was mad, and yes, fear was setting in. My gracious husband and I had a talk that night and he basically told me that I needed to decide if I was going to get on the plane in August (already booked flight) or not. I chose to skip the flight and not return. To him, it was a simple decision, and to me it was torture, I knew that going back wouldn’t be good for me, and I knew that not going back, meant being under my moms roof (I’m very thankful she has allowed me to stay with her) and being separated from my husband for an unsure amount of time. Also, he was missing our baby as she was growing up fast. After making the not so light decision to stay in the States for the rest of the summer, I literally felt so much lighter. I don’t have the dread anymore! I can enjoy the summer.

I wont get into all the details of good and bad about the life that I had in Saudi. Ill need to update my about post I think, but the wifeabroad name will remain the same as my husband and I and our little baby V. still plan to travel as much as possible. There are so many unknowns down the road for us. I’m nervous, and excited about it.

And I’m Thankful For…

The great Shawarma from Maze restaurant in Hofuf. The best in the entire city. If you haven’t gone there, go. Its not family, but if you are a lady, you can pick up.

The many trips to Bahrain. The escape from Saudi life, yet still close by.

The friendships. The only thing that kept me going sometimes were friends.

Having a baby, healthy and safe. Pick your hospital wisely, in my opinion there are some sketchy ones there too. I personally went to Al Moosa. State of the art place, with helpful staff. If I ever have another baby, I think a part of me will miss the visits to Dr. Zaynab. A part of me hopes she will read this one day. I loved her smile.

The doughnut runs my husband made for me, there were also many McDonald’s runs too (especially when I was pregnant)

Being creative in the kitchen and with the grocery shopping. Its fun and challenging when you may not have exactly what you are used to.

The many many laps walked around the shopping malls. Some days it was the only way to get any exercise in.

Constant growth of a city meant that there were always new shops or restaurants to explore. Some were duds, some were pleasant surprises.

I’m so blessed to have received a kind message just asking how I was from time to time, from fellow expats who knew that maybe I just needed to know that I was being thought of.

Towards the end of my time there, my family and a few others would get together on Monday nights for a dinner where we would all pitch in on the food (home cooked or bought) and it was such a lovely time of gathering together to laugh and talk.

I will always appreciate the young family who opened their doors to us on our first thanksgiving in Hofuf. Thank you JA and LA, for lovely dinners in your home and making a holiday festive when we were all abroad and missing our families.

I will always cherish the thunderstorms that would come through in the winter. It was such a treat to see rain and lightning in the desert.

We had an SUV that treated us good for a bit, but then when it finally died, we rented. I will never forget the car rentals that were always white, and sometimes beat up. There was one that had brown stains over the entire interior as if a soda had exploded. But they gave us reliable transportation to and from the grocery.

Always loved the get-to-gethers that we would have with friends. It helped get through all the rough days in Saudi. It made many insane days, saner (LM, you are a gem! Thank you for your friendship. I hope to see you again someday)

I miss my friends overseas. I will to keep in touch as much as possible, and hope to hear from them as well over the years. Some have already left Saudi, and have moved on to different places, while some are still there, working and raising their families. I think about them daily. I do love how social media allows us to see some bits of peoples lives. Facebook and Instagram is great for this sort of thing.

I’m so very thankful that this is how my married life pretty much started (living in Saudi). It helped us grow together, fight together, cry together, and love together and share many cups of coffee together.

In about a month we will most likely be on our way to another place…And I’ll post a photo of sand and ocean.

Until then-wifeabroad (from the States)

Becoming the person I judged

I have a confession to make. Maybe an apology of sorts.
As you know, (if you have been following the blog) I am living in Saudi Arabia with my husband. My home country is the U.S. I came over here shortly after we got married. Since September of 2014 I have been here.

When I was planning to move overseas and even after I arrived here, I had these thoughts about other women who had tried it here, and had left for one reason or another. Usually what went through my mind was that they weren’t very supportive of their spouses, or it can’t be that bad.

The thing is, I am now finding myself to be one of those women. I don’t like living here. I have tried to adjust to life here the best I know, and it doesn’t seem to be enough to keep going. I am fleeing the desert heat to go back to my home country for the summer. At the moment I am going to come back to Saudi after some time away, but I have also had to admit, that I really don’t want to do even that. Part of me really wishes that I could write my Farewell Saudi post.

Its tough, and I still am unsure of the future here in Saudi. Just wanted to share this little bit of information. Perhaps there will be a recharging that will take place while I am gone, Perhaps there will be a new frame of mind. Perhaps there will be a new perspective of life here that will make it possible to return with a fresh look at the place. I can’t know at the moment….

Would rather be abroad on a beach -wifeabroad

To my friends here: I will miss you while I am away

I had a baby in Saudi

The date was Jan 27th, 2016. I had gone to bed a bit early and woke up about 11pm with pain in my belly. I laid there for about 30 minutes thinking to myself that it wouldn’t be long before I would be giving birth to my daughter. I was excited since I was already 40 weeks and one day. I was ready to hold her in my arms. I was feeling a little bit scared because I knew nothing of what was going to happen. First baby nervous. Does it get better or easier after the first one? I got up and decided to keep busy for as long as I could. I wrote down the times when I felt each contraction start up. I was hitting the refresh button on Facebook and hand quilting my rooster quilt to keep myself occupied. I wondered to myself when I was going to get sleep next. I had no idea how long the labor would last.

I finally woke my husband up around three am I think. I told him that I didn’t think he would be going to work that day. I enjoyed his excitement over my condition at the time. He was calm and collected. I told him that I didn’t want to be that person who would show up at the hospital only to be sent home because it wasn’t time yet. I think we waited till about 4:30am before we left the house. We decided to get some McDonald’s Egg Mcmuffin sandwiches (they aren’t open at that hour) before and even go walk around at the grocery store since we figured that it would be the only place open. They actually had the doors locked at Tamimis when we arrived. They are open 24 hours, but were putting stock out and cleaning floors so they had the doors locked. We went and sat in the car for a bit and then my husband went to approach an employee who had come out to smoke. He straight up told the guy that I was in labor and we just wanted to walk around inside. So the guy lets us in the roam the aisles of the grocery store (and use the toilet) while I had contractions every 4-7 minutes. That will always be a good memory.

Arriving at the hospital for the birth of a baby involves getting checked in at the emergency room first. Strange to me, but whatever. Then they take you up to the birthing floor to be checked out. Turns out I was only dilated maybe one or two centimeters. After being monitored for contractions and fetal heartbeat for an hour, they told us to go home. It was too early. They told us to come back if the pain got worse, or there was blood, or water. Specific, yet vague instructions for a return trip. Turns out, I was that girl who arrived too early and got sent home. McDonald’s was open at this time, so I finally got my breakfast sandwiches on the way home.

I don’t really remember much of that Thursday. Only that the contractions remained around 3 to 7 minutes apart all day and just kept getting stronger. I was able to get in a much needed nap after being up all night. We just chilled at home, and around eleven PM, we headed back to the hospital. The pain had definitely increased and I didn’t know what level to expect for hard labor. This time I was wheeled up to the birthing floor in a wheel chair as part of protocol. Again I was checked out and monitored to see how things were progressing. And again I was told to go back home. I felt rather frustrated at this point because the pain seemed more intense, yet I hadn’t even dilated much at all. Again they gave me instructions regarding my return to the hospital. If there was water, blood or the pain was worse. I think I asked how much worse the pain should be and they said intolerable. Another reason for sending us home was that the insurance was only going to pay for a certain amount of time outside of the delivery, so me staying there early on would have been money out of pocket. I was crying out in pain on the way home this time. There was no sleeping for me this time once I got home. My husband was able to get some rest, but my contractions couldn’t be slept though.

I think I woke my husband up around 3:30 am Friday morning. I was crying from the pain at this point, and there had been fresh colored blood along with the mucus plug. This gave me hope that I had in fact dilated more during the night. So off to the hospital once again! I remember very little cars being on the road this go around. My husband was speeding and even ran a red light because there was no one else on the road. He had said we were staying this time even if they suggested we go home. He even thought maybe if we didn’t hurry we would have to name our daughter Elantra, after the car she would be born in.

The wheelchair ride to the birthing floor was a little bit funny. I would have laughed had I not been crying in pain. The nurse pushing me kept saying “no no no,not yet.” I had to tell her I wasn’t having the baby, just a contraction. I get up to the room and get checked out only to discover I’m only four centimeters dilated. I was so unbelievably frustrated and concerned because I was really reaching a pain level that was too much. But this time they admitted me. They hooked me up once again to the monitors and would come back in the room periodically to check on things. I couldn’t get over the pain level. I should mention at this point that I had no desire to get an epidural. I didn’t want any pain medications really. I was thinking I would get the gas to breath between contractions and a last resort I would probably be willing to get the pethedine to ease the pain. I had my fears that I wouldn’t be able to do this on my own and that I would have to get a C-Section because of drugs that I was given. I wanted to avoid all of that. I was relieved to be in labor at this time, because they wanted to induce me the following week if I hadn’t had the baby, and that wasn’t something I wanted either.

Back to the delivery room: They had put me on oxygen at this point. And I’m not sure what time they did it, but they gave me a shot of pethedine at one point. Its supposed to ease the pain, but you will still feel everything. I am still of the opinion that it didn’t do sh** for me. I remember thinking “okay, twenty minutes and I’ll start feeling better.” It didn’t do anything! Little did I know that my husband had noticed that the contractions were registering around twenty on the monitor before the shot, and after the shot, they had gone up to eighty and ninety.

After some time the Dr. came in and asked me about getting an epidural. I at this point was glad she mentioned it and was all about hearing what she had to say regarding the procedure. My husband however was like, hey no one has checked on her in a couple hours. I think she needs to be checked on. He knew I didn’t want the epidural of course and he stepped in to be my voice of reason in a time when I was out of my head. The Dr. then checks me out and tells me that I am going to start pushing and will have a baby in twenty minutes. I was thinking really? I don’t have the desire to push. I don’t know how to push. And I sure as heck was scared of the pain level that I hadn’t had yet. But pushing time was on, so… The Dr goes to get changed and comes back and tells me to push every time I have a contraction. I’m telling you, I had no idea what I was doing. She would give me instructions, and I would tearfully tell her I was trying. Putting a catheter in she tells me that “that takes care of that problem.” (I had peed a little during a push. It had bothered me to not get a warning at least. If you have never had a catheter put in, they don’t feel good. She wasn’t about to be all kind about things either, she was very to the point and businesslike at this point. Like a drill sergeant, telling me, to stop crying and push! Or stop yelling and push! And put your hands on those bars and push! I didn’t even know if I was pushing right. I just wanted to baby to be out at this point. I wasn’t about to keep quiet when I started to feel her giving me an episiotomy. I had mentally prepared myself for it to happen at some point ( was told months before that it was procedure for first time births). Is mentally preparing oneself even possible to do when it comes to your genital area? I think not.

I think I had maybe three more pushes after that. At one point I had a cheering section of the Dr, my husband and the five or six nurses all yelling push! Push! At the same time. Finally with a great sense of relief, our little daughter came into the world at about 7:20am on Friday, January 29th.

I am grateful for the fairly short labor. Wednesday night, to Friday morning really isn’t too bad in my opinion. But I was also very exhausted at that point too. I didn’t even have any fight in me to protest the nurses taking the baby to the nursery right away, when in fact she should have been on me. Thankfully after getting stitched up, they brought her back into the room. I had planned to breastfeed exclusively and felt that the sooner she was on me the better.

Two hours after having the baby, I was able to be moved to the recovery room. The nurse wanted me to put on my abaya. I thought, and said out loud…”I just had a baby, I’m not putting on an abaya!” So she grabbed the blanket off the bed and covered me up with it. The recovery rooms were nice. A nice bed for me and a pull out chair bed for my husband to use. The food wasn’t terrible either. The constant flow of nurses or cleaning ladies was a bit too much though. The nurses from the nursery would also come in from time to time to take the baby “to check her vitals”. I would get annoyed if she was gone too long. I had informed them not to feed her, but they kept asking me if they could, even arguing with me at one point because they said she would get hungry if she didn’t have enough from me. “that’s why her and I need to work together at this” I had said in response. The learning part wasn’t immediate, but I was one determined mamma! Turns out that during those vitals checks at one point, she was being vaccinated. Good thing I wasn’t one of those anti vaxers because they never informed me or asked about vaccinations for my baby until we were getting discharged the following day, after they had already given her shots. I still get a little annoyed by it though.

I was one very happy lady when I got discharged the day after giving birth! I so wanted to just get home and start working on getting our own routines as a family. Three weeks later, we are still working on that. Every day seems to be something new and I’m okay with it.

My story is a bit long here, but I do need to add one more thing before I close. You know how I mentioned the catheter the Dr. put in? Well the first night at home, about 3am, I woke my husband up again to inform him this time that I probably needed to go back to the hospital because I had a UTI! Of all things, A UTI on top of just giving birth wasn’t my idea of a good time. But I knew my body well enough to know what was happening and I blamed the Catheter being the reason for this. I didn’t want to get put on antibiotics with a brand new baby though, so after some talking and looking on the Internets, I decided to try to eliminate the UTI naturally with cranberry juice, lemon juice, baking soda, eating certain foods, whatever would work and not cause the baby to get anything unwanted through the breast milk. My efforts were not successful however. After five days I woke up feeling lower back pain and really had had enough. Back to the hospital we went. A nurse asked us if we had someone at home to take care of the baby cause the air in the ER wasn’t good for a newborn. I might have snapped a little bit in response to that. It’s not like I had wanted to be there! I wanted drugs to clear up the infection and to be sent home! My white blood cell count turned out to be over 100 (I guess its supposed to be under 10) so they said I had to be admitted. Tearfully I asked if my baby could stay with me and they said yes, so I agreed to stay. Ended up staying in the hospital the whole weekend! I needed antibiotics and fluids to get me hydrated. They had to hook my IV up to a machine to push it through, since my little vein kept closing up. At least I didn’t have an issue with my blood clotting. But I had to push a button every time I needed to pee so that I could be unhooked, and then when they hooked me back up, they usually had to flush the vein to open in back up. You might think that I would have been able to get rest at least. Not the case, as the flow of nurses and cleaning crews were again a constant during my visit.

I am once again grateful for the continued healing and hope to be back to myself soon. I still have some pain that I hope will diminish in the next couple weeks. We are still learning every day here, and enjoying the process even if it involves tears on my end at times, because I am just exhausted or I’m hurting or just don’ t know what to do to make my baby stop crying. We are thankful and totally in love with our little girl.

That is my birth story from abroad. Signing off for now -wifeabroad.